The Disney Twilight Zone
I was away all last week, and to my dismay, I had no Internet connection available to me. To make matters worse, I was trapped in the Disney Twilight Zone. Unless you have spent a day at one of Disney's Theme Parks, you will have no idea what I am talking about. Here's how it happens. You are driving along one of the many toll roads that surround Orlando, Florida. Yes, you have to pay to even have the privilege of seeing Orlando. Suddenly there is a giant (but well hidden) magnet that begins pulling at your vehicle, and before you realize it, you have been sucked into Disney World.
As you drive under the "Disney World" marquis, you notice that the road signs have changed colors. A maze of roads taken straight out of Alice in Wonderland leads to theme parks, hotels, resorts, and restaurants. Dorothy, you're not in Kansas anymore. As you enter your theme park of choice, a mind control mechanism begins it's secret work on your brain. "Spend money, lots of money. Don't forget to leave all your money here." You arrive at the parking gate and blankly hand the man in the nice colored uniform your wallet. "Here," you say, "Take whatever money you want." He helps himself to a ten dollar bill.
You follow the colored uniforms pointing in the direction of a parking place and park your car. After you have obediently put your credit card, cash and debit card in your pocket, you take your children by the hand and lead them away from row "Mickey 34" to the tram which leads you to the happy place where you deposit all your money.
From the tram, you follow the crowd to the inspection site where the mind control machine has already told you to open your bags. You obey happily. When you pass inspection, you and your family follow the herd to the next stop, the monorail train. "Follow the crowds," the mind machine tells you, "Don't forget to give up all your money." Next stop Big Brother ID station. "Give us your fingerprint." "OK" you reply in a monotone voice.
When you finally arrive in "Happy Land" you begin smiling, just as the mind control machine has told you to do. All of a sudden, you feel your hands getting sweaty, your mind is racing. You look at your map. "Fast pass everything you can." A voice says to your subconscious. Without thinking you begin heading for every fast pass station in the zone. "I'm having fun." It says, "You're thirsty. Spend more money." "OK" you reply, "Where is a drink stand? $5 for a coke?" "Spend all your money" You hand the man your wallet. "Here take what you want."
Having consumed your 6 oz. $5 coke, you pull out your fast pass and run to the next ride. Your day continues in this fashion: Fast pass, stand in line, spend money for dinner, fast pass, stand in line, spend money for souvenirs, stop for picture with someone in a fuzzy animal suit, fast pass, stand in line, spend $4 for a bottle of water until you have fast passed your way through the park and your money is all gone. At this point you pull out your credit cards and do it some more. When the day begins to draw to a close, you sit down and watch fireworks, then buy more souvenirs. Exhausted and buggy-eyed, you follow the herds back through the maze of transportation and finally collapse in your car and go back to your hotel room only to get up and do it again the next day.
I left Florida a poorer and wiser person. Here's some advice: If you ever drive in the direction of Orlando, Florida turn your car in the opposite direction and drive as fast as you can.
As you drive under the "Disney World" marquis, you notice that the road signs have changed colors. A maze of roads taken straight out of Alice in Wonderland leads to theme parks, hotels, resorts, and restaurants. Dorothy, you're not in Kansas anymore. As you enter your theme park of choice, a mind control mechanism begins it's secret work on your brain. "Spend money, lots of money. Don't forget to leave all your money here." You arrive at the parking gate and blankly hand the man in the nice colored uniform your wallet. "Here," you say, "Take whatever money you want." He helps himself to a ten dollar bill.
You follow the colored uniforms pointing in the direction of a parking place and park your car. After you have obediently put your credit card, cash and debit card in your pocket, you take your children by the hand and lead them away from row "Mickey 34" to the tram which leads you to the happy place where you deposit all your money.
From the tram, you follow the crowd to the inspection site where the mind control machine has already told you to open your bags. You obey happily. When you pass inspection, you and your family follow the herd to the next stop, the monorail train. "Follow the crowds," the mind machine tells you, "Don't forget to give up all your money." Next stop Big Brother ID station. "Give us your fingerprint." "OK" you reply in a monotone voice.
When you finally arrive in "Happy Land" you begin smiling, just as the mind control machine has told you to do. All of a sudden, you feel your hands getting sweaty, your mind is racing. You look at your map. "Fast pass everything you can." A voice says to your subconscious. Without thinking you begin heading for every fast pass station in the zone. "I'm having fun." It says, "You're thirsty. Spend more money." "OK" you reply, "Where is a drink stand? $5 for a coke?" "Spend all your money" You hand the man your wallet. "Here take what you want."
Having consumed your 6 oz. $5 coke, you pull out your fast pass and run to the next ride. Your day continues in this fashion: Fast pass, stand in line, spend money for dinner, fast pass, stand in line, spend money for souvenirs, stop for picture with someone in a fuzzy animal suit, fast pass, stand in line, spend $4 for a bottle of water until you have fast passed your way through the park and your money is all gone. At this point you pull out your credit cards and do it some more. When the day begins to draw to a close, you sit down and watch fireworks, then buy more souvenirs. Exhausted and buggy-eyed, you follow the herds back through the maze of transportation and finally collapse in your car and go back to your hotel room only to get up and do it again the next day.
I left Florida a poorer and wiser person. Here's some advice: If you ever drive in the direction of Orlando, Florida turn your car in the opposite direction and drive as fast as you can.
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